all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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