I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How naked do you want me to be?
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