I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
