Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
