So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
