Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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