I'm so fucking centered right now
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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