he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
