Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
