He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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