I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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