the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Randomize
