She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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