she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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