I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
