I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
