Porn is love you can see.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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