you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
