why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
