dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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