Girls should come with a carfax report
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
