My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
