Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
