What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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