I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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