a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
