i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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