...so i touched it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
