How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
