And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
