you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We had sex on a dog bed..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
