Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
