:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
