She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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