you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
