idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
