Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
