dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
