True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
