Already got asked if we're dating
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
