I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
