Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
