Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
