I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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