talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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