You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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