Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
