Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
