come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
