..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
