There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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