somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
